spirituality

“Safe Communities” Meeting/Hui

“Safe Communities” Meeting/Hui

For anyone in the Auckland region (or even further if interested), I’m hosting a meeting/hui/discussion on creating a long term support solution for survivors of religious abuse and conversion practices.

5th October 2024 – 2pm to 4pm
Auckland Unitarian Church
1a Ponsonby Road, Grey Lynn

Open meeting for anyone in the community who wants to participate.

Please RSVP (Facebook Event link or email)

There is a desperate need to support people working through issues of faith and spirituality, while providing safe spaces without biases and agendas. Where they are free to explore their own personal spiritual journey while being supported by a loving community, and it’s OK to ask any questions and still be loved.

The Rainbow Community has experienced incredible amounts of abuse from religious groups over the years. The highest demographic for mental health problems and suicide in the community is in religious contexts.

Many of these survivors have completely lost families and friends along with their broader faith communities. Some manage to find a fully embracing church community that aligns with their faith, but many are so traumatised that they could never set foot in a church or be part of that community again.

Here is an outline of the issues I’d like to present to the community to discuss. If you like, you can even email me with your ideas before the meeting – jim@silentgays.com

  1. Provide a centrally located place that has a sense of warmth and purpose.

  2. Regular meetings that explore the unique difficulties we’ve experienced and sharing ways to move forward with integrity and freedom.

  3. Have the backing of an organisation with credibility and experience in the area of social responsibility and community caring.

  4. Explore new and innovative ways of creating communities, support services etc, based on the real needs, inviting people to participate at all levels with a high level of flexibility around the structure as we learn and grow.

  5. Practical considerations such as:

    1. Leadership/oversight and finances

    2. Meeting structure and frequency

    3. Social activities

    4. Long term goals

Download the flyer here

Please feel free to contact me at jim@silentgays.com

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Conversion Therapy, Mental Health, 0 comments
WTF is a deconstructed Christian?

WTF is a deconstructed Christian?

“Deconstruction” is a big thing these days. And there seems to be a lot of confusion around what it really means. While it may be different for everyone, there’s a basic sort of process we tend to go through.

For LGBT+ people in particular, it can begin with questioning why the bible apparently seems to be so hard on us, especially given that it’s impossible to change who we are. This causes us to dig a bit deeper into what the bible says, and ends up with us realising that our interpretations and translations are the real problem.

For others, it can be some sort of abuse by church leaders, corruption, hypocrisy or any number of things that cause us to stop and think about what’s actually going on.

Ultimately, though, we begin to deconstruct when we question why we believe what we believe. We start asking difficult questions that we’d been ignoring, under the assumption that “God’s ways are higher than ours” so who are we to doubt God’s “word”? We can begin to question the integrity of our beliefs and how they realistically affect us and our relationships with others and the rest of the world.

Often, it involves simply looking at the rest of humanity and realising that no matter how hard we try, we will never “save” the world with our Christian beliefs. This in turn causes us to question the character of God – or at least, the God that we’ve been taught.

Some “deconstruct” to the point where they can feel comfortable with a more “liberal” form of Christianity, and live with a reasonable level of integrity, which could mean simplifying everything down to just “following Jesus”.

Some find that no mater how hard they try, Christianity in just about any form, is nothing more than the opinions of one particular culture from 2000 years ago. Many end up atheists.

But there’s also those who look for something “spiritual” that is more loving and inclusive. Something that embraces all people, no matter who they are, without conditions. Something, in fact, that looks more like love than Christian theology does!

Of course, there are some who completely deconstruct, and then re-construct Christianity in a way that works for them, that actually brings life and love.

It’s messy and everyone is different. Most importantly, it’s about asking questions and being completely fearless about where those questions may lead. It’s about recognising deep biases and conditioning, and being prepared to completely let go, knowing that truth, honesty and integrity will always allow us to find our way.

As for me – I totally deconstructed and walked away. It’s no longer in the slightest bit relevant to me. Yes, I had to work through religious abuse and the anger that brought. I now have my own beliefs, and can finally address Christianity in a way that isn’t destructive. But I will never go back there, simply because, once we have taken that step back, we see it for the mess that it really is. And is it really worth the effort to untangle that mess?

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, 0 comments
Silent Gays is growing!

Silent Gays is growing!

I’m proud to announce our new email help service!

help@silentgays.com

Since starting Silent Gays a few years ago, I’ve mostly spent my time focussing on Facebook groups and messaging, but the reality is it’s a very limited audience and there is a huge need to reach those who don’t want to go on social media to look for help on religious abuse and conversion therapy issues. Privacy and discretion is hard to find on social media at the best of times, and this helps solve that problem!

The new email service is monitored by a small team of volunteers, each with their own areas of expertise, who have been through sexual orientation and gender identity change efforts, and have a passion to help others find a way through the mess.

I’ve also updated the website to focus around the CORE Book and Workbook. These have been the foundation of Silent Gays but have tended to get lost in the mix as it were. The books and the help email now have centre stage on the site.

Please take a few minutes to check out the site and grab a copy of the CORE book (digital formats only – no hardcopies, as yet). If you genuinely can’t afford it, let me know and I’ll send you a voucher for a free copy.

 

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Conversion Therapy, Mental Health, 0 comments
Do your beliefs really work?

Do your beliefs really work?

 

Does your belief system actually “work”?

Are your spiritual/religious beliefs genuinely beneficial to you, those around you and the rest of the world?

Have you ever stopped to assess this?

Do they bring you real peace and joy, not just “good feelings” or a sense of knowing the “real truth”, but seriously bring a depth that transforms your mental health, brings life and peace to those around you and empowers you to see every single human as unconditionally loved?

Do your beliefs empower you not to discriminate against others on the basis of their beliefs, race, gender or sexuality?

Do your beliefs genuinely transform your troubled mind, still the deep traumas, satisfy the grief, quieten the rage, relieve the depression or sooth the anxiety?

If you answered no, not really, not exactly…  then you need to be brave enough to question them – seriously question them.

What do we want from our beliefs? Is there a better way?

Never be afraid to question everything!

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, 0 comments
Looking for Survivors

Looking for Survivors

 

The progress of the Conversion Therapy legislation in New Zealand is looking good.

But we need input from you!

The problem is that “Conversion Therapy” has been presented as something extreme. Recent movies and docos have painted some grim pictures, and rightly so!

But the reality is far more subtle and insidious, and we know there are thousands out there who are unaware that they’ve been subject to religious practices and beliefs that are just as harmful as the full on stuff we’ve seen. Part of this effort involves shifting the term “Conversion Therapy” to SOGICE (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Change Efforts) as it more accurately describes the the scope of the issue.

Silent Gays will be working with SOGICE survivors and Brave to host some safe, private zoom gatherings to share experiences, learn about the advocacy space, and talk about support.

The first step is presenting three specific questions to help you understand the scope of the practices. These are:

  1. Have you been part of a faith community where you were told that you were broken, disordered or in need of healing because of your gender or sexual identity?
  2. Have you been offered prayer, counselling, pastoral care or rituals which seek to change or suppress your sexual or gender identity?
  3. Have you been part of a formal or informal faith-based program which tried to engage the ‘reasons’ for your gay, bi, lesbian, trans, queer or ace identity or ‘support’ you to live as a straight, cisgender person?

You’ll notice that we aren’t simply asking if you’ve been through some form of conversion therapy. This is simply because most people just don’t think in those terms.

We are looking at ways to ask these questions of the broader community, but I’m putting this out now for your consideration, and by all means, feel free to prepare as detailed a response as you like, or just sit with the idea for now.

There is no pressure, and all information is strictly confidential.

email info@silentgays.com

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Conversion Therapy, Mental Health, 3 comments
The Science of Spirituality

The Science of Spirituality

The principles behind CORE Therapy

We all have spiritual “needs”, no matter what our beliefs are. Atheists even have these needs, but they are usually satisfied through accepting and immersing our minds with the awe of nature.

Scientific endeavours in the areas of quantum physics and the “philosophy of physics” are tackling the big questions around the fundamental nature of everything. This has long been the goal of science in general, and finding the “theory of everything” has been a driving force since early last century when people like Einstein (and a host of others) took the whole idea very seriously. Added to this is the whole problem of “consciousness”. What is it and how did we get it?

The whole process would take volumes to work through, so I’ll just skip to the latest interesting bits.

There is a fast growing group of physicists (theoretical and philosophical) who believe that consciousness itself is the underlying “energy” from which everything else arises. In extremely simple terms, this means that all forms of energy (which coalesce into more and more complex forms of energy, becoming atoms, molecules and so on up the scale) are products or projections of a “sea” of conscious energy.

There are many versions of this idea. A popular one, that has been around for a long time in various forms is called Panpsychism  Despite what the cynical and jaded among us may think, this area of research actually addresses the underlying problems very eloquently.

All this goes to indicate that the ancient ideas around “universal consciousness” (or any of a multitude of terms describing our innate oneness) aren’t some mystical mythology. The fact is, it provides an extremely workable foundation for living life to it’s fullest in every way.

In CORE Therapy, I use all this to explain that there are three arbitrary levels of human experience – our thoughts, our awareness, and our oneness. This can be referred to as the “nature of experience”.

As a very simple description, our thoughts run through our minds non stop, all day, every day. They arise from physical experiences through our senses and from memories, which are then attached to emotional reactions of some sort. Our awareness sits “behind” our thoughts and is the objective part of us (kinda sorta, but more on that in another blog). Then there is the great “sea” of consciousness which everything exists in and comes from.

This empowers us to observe our thoughts in an objective fashion, not with the goal to change them, but to simply see them for what they are – an integral and essential part of what being human is! It’s the core of many ancient philosophies, so is nothing new at all! My goal is to present the concepts in a way that is accessible to the western mind and can be applied practically in the area of mental health.

The simple realisation of this is life changing! This is really important for those of us who have suffered religious abuse and the thought of theology and doctrines, church and religion in general, are too triggering, but are still deeply aware of the need for some sort of spiritual connection that can bring love and light, peace and joy into our lives.

In my next blog I’ll expand on these ideas.

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Mental Health, 0 comments