Finally… we are getting together face to face (in Auckland)!
Join us this Saturday! A low-key, safe space for sharing and caring.
This week’s main goal – find a catchy name for the group! 😁
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month.
(Please RSVP on the Event page)
Yesterday, I held a seminar on Conversion Therapy (CT). It was the first in 3 years, after Covid etc. A small turnout, but good engagement and discussions.
Every time I have discussions about the practicalities of confronting CT, sooner or later, it becomes obvious that there’s a large elephant in the room: Religious dogma.
How do we effectively reach those hidden in the churches, and help educate the churches themselves, when the doors are closed due to foundational doctrines and beliefs?
We can run education seminars and workshops, promote support services etc, till the cows come home, but if we can’t even get a chance to have the conversations with the religious leaders, and bring light to their dogmatic understanding of theology and scripture, very little will change.
Even those LGBT+ Christian leaders, theologians and scholars who are in the best position to do this, are rejected. When traditional dogma is threatened, no matter how loving and well-intentioned our efforts are, deep and insidious fears kick in.
Religious dogma (especially in the fundamentalist Abrahamic religions) relies on unquestioning allegiance to specific doctrines and scriptural interpretations, that must be protected at all costs to maintain the purity of the faith.
This comes from a complex psychological dynamic that humans use to create tribal security, safety, unity and stability and is part of a basic need, built in to us, and is essential to our survival. We are innately community focussed creatures.
But when these belief systems and structures become inflexible dogma, they begin to destroy the community. Slowly at first, but inevitably, those marginalised by these dogmas, begin to push back, and the community begins to fracture as more and more understand that humans are diverse, each with their own views and needs. Obviously, this is not just LGBT+ issues – it’s anything where a marginalised group is made “less than” in any way. We are currently seeing it in Iran, for example.
Eventually, there’s division, fighting, and splits. People leave to form new communities, but eventually new dogmas are created and the cycle continues.
But for LGBT+ people, they are generally the least of the least, the most hidden, and pushing back takes incredible time and energy, loss and trauma.
So how do we respond to the “elephant”?
How do we speak to dogma without appearing threatening?
How do we show the marginalised hiding within these communities that to question their dogma is not just OK, but healthy?
How do we talk to the leaders in a way that not just looks at the needs of LGBT+ people in their care, but also opens their hearts and eyes to the destructive reality of inflexible beliefs.
How do we show people that love, empathy, compassion, inclusion and acceptance, must be the foundation of any religious beliefs, not the other way round.
I have no answer, but we have to stop ignoring this very large and ugly elephant that keeps killing people.
Have the political footballs of “religious freedom” and “free speech” created so much fear, that “tolerance” has become the excuse to overlook and ignore?
I’ve really hesitated about writing this. I’ve always tried to be transparent with Silent Gays and how I work, so in the end I thought I should share this.
The last thing I want to do is guilt trip people – seriously, I hate it when I see those sorts of posts in social media and money-begging emails. You know what I mean!
So how do we ask for financial help in a way that gets people to respond, without using emotional manipulation?
Here’s the thing…
The guy I’ve been helping escape from Tanzania (from horrific life threatening LGBT persecution) has been something of a “project” for me (although that does sound a bit dehumanising).
You may recall, I’ve posted regular updates on where he’s at and his current needs. He’s been absolutely honest and transparent with me every step of the way. He’s shared personal videos of what he’s faced – his fears and joys through it all. However, he’s still got a way to go, as he faces never ending obstacles from homophobic authorities – despite his rights to refugee status.
I asked for financial help, because that’s where the rubber hits the road. Giving him “thoughts and prayers” isn’t going to save his life. I received around $300 from four generous people, for which I’m very grateful. I personally committed to help no matter what. This has meant I’ve used over $1200 of my savings and I’m about to put in another $500 or so to help him get to the Kakuma Refugee Camp and pay for all the hoops he has to jump through to stay in the refugee camp on the other side of Kenya. But he’s very scared, because the camp has a very bad reputation for LGBT abuse.
Despite this, I’m no longer going to ask for money – I’m sick of it, and I guess everyone else is.
However, I’m not bitter or angry about the lack of response and support at all. But I’m very disappointed. Disappointed that fellow humans would calmly ignore this. Disappointed that I have done the same on many occasions. Disappointed that anything that comes from African nations is regarded as a scam or rip-off (which is sort of understandable given the reputation of Nigerian scammers). Disappointed that we happily support causes that are local, but are blind to communities that have no chance of any local support – who’s only hope is with western privileged society.
So what constitutes a “worthy cause”? This is something we usually subconsciously process through our “paradigms” and biases – at worst with nothing more than an emotional offhand response, or perhaps with consideration to our priorities to other commitments (of course), or maybe even thinking that we can’t be of any real help because we could only give a few dollars. I guess there’s a lot of valid reasons, and a lot of really shitty reasons, and that’s something each of us have to work through – or not.
Whatever the issues around all this stuff, I’m just writing this to bring some awareness to how we respond to others in need – not only in other distant lands, but also to those right here with us. As I said, it’s not an attempt to guilt-trip, but an honest desire for us to genuinely assess what’s important.
I’ve often written about the limitations of our sexuality and gender labelling and encouraged people to examine the the fluidity of it all. Of course, labelling is needed in terms of finding others who understand our particular needs and preferences, but we get stuck there, to our own detriment.
As the various scientific disciplines explore sexuality and gender, it’s becoming clearer that every single person on the planet is actually on a continuum of various sexuality and gender factors. And people are discovering that it’s possible to move along these different continua throughout our lives!
I just read an interesting article how women, in particular, are discovering same sex attraction in their late 30 and 40s, even though they have been happily “straight” up until then!
We are discovering so much about the biology of gender that almost every other day there’s more understanding of the nuances of our genetics and the chemistry that surrounds it. Nothing is as it used to be understood. The idea of “binary” gender is no longer valid.
Being a chronic idealist and dreamer, I long for us to embrace this as a species. I imagine a world where there really are no assumptions, no boundaries or expectations around any aspect of this core part of our being.
The only factor that needs any consideration in how we live this in a practical way is the birth and nurture of children. A womb is the only place a child can gestate, and a stable loving environment is the only place a child can grow.
I feel my goals and activities are shifting to enable this to become real. I need to put my money where my mouth is, as it were.
I’m actively looking at ways to educate/enlighten, and build communities based solely on unconditional love and support. I ache for a world beyond labels, where everyone is simply their unique selves.
I’ve found that most people, especially LGBTI+, long for the same thing, but regard it as nothing more than unachievable dream, and a waste of effort. But if no one even attempts this, how will we ever know?
