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Masculine vs feminine

One of the most confusing and misunderstood areas about sexuality and gender are the core concepts of masculinity and femininity. Even amongst LGBT people there is often confusion!

The general stereotype says you are either an effeminate gay or butch lesbian, and the other stuff is just too hard to understand.

One of the confusing issues is how we relate the body (physical gender) with the psyche (the mental aspects). Masculinity and femininity are fluid concepts that are not confined to one  particular body. We all know guys who exhibit feminine qualities to some degree and women who show some masculinity. man with makeup

We could define the typical masculine psyche as tough, decisive, pursuing achievement and status, self reliant, aggressive etc. The feminine could be defined as gentle, thoughtful, caring, nurturing, sensitive etc (Wikipedia gives a very thorough breakdown of masculinity and femininity).

So for LGBT people there is a heck of a lot of stereotyping in all this, especially as far as the heteronormative understanding is involved. Traditionally gay guys are supposed to be very effeminate and lesbians are supposed to be butch. Of course the reality is nothing of the sort, but obviously it’s easier to differentiate an effeminate guy from the crowd and assume he’s gay, and the same with macho women- they stand out.

The problem is that its a continuum (sliding scale) – everyone on this planet has a mix of the masculinMasculine-Feminine-Energye/feminine psyche, irrespective of their sexual attraction or gender identity!

So just because you may be attracted to the same sex doesn’t mean you are obliged to behave a certain way. There are gay guys who are really macho – fitting the classic masculine psyche, and there are lesbian women who are 100% feminine. You would never know they are “same sex attracted” from how they appear or act.

Even transgender people can be somewhere on the masculine/feminine continuum. For example, a guy could identify as a female in terms of gender, but still have a high degree of masculinity, and the inverse with a woman. Basically I’m saying everyone is different.

This can become a problem when, for example, a young guy “comes out’, but due to his exposure to the stereotypes he assumes that being gay means going to gay bars, watching drag shows and acting feminine. This can be hugely damaging and cause a lot of deep conflict for a guy, who may simply want to live an average male life with an average male partner. Sadly, even the pressure from within the LGBT community itself can be a problem.

We need to let go of every stereotype! We are ALL somewhere on the continuum of sexual attraction, gender identity, gender expression, and even physical gender attributes (Intersex)! There simply isn’t the “gay or straight” box that people get locked into.

We still have a lot to learn, and we need the freedom to find where we fit in. That freedom needs to be from society as a whole and just as importantly, from within the LGBT community itself. Fortunately times are changing, and fast! Let’s give each other the freedom to be our true selves.

 

Male or female brains?

You may have read that having a male brain will earn you more money. Or maybe that female brains are better at multitasking. But there is no such thing as a female or male brain, according to the first search for sex differences across the entire human brain. It reveals that most people have a mix of male and female brain features. And it also supports the idea that gender is non-binary, and that gender classifications in many situations are meaningless….

Click on the image for the full article –

Male vs female brains

Male vs female brains

Being Gay, Living Silent!

Being Gay Living SIlent

I’m proud to announce the publishing of a new booklet for the LGBT and religious community.

For too many LGBT people in religion, they are literally “being gay, living silent”. For many, education is the first step to freedom: education on the basics of gender and sexuality, mind sets or “paradigms”, religious abuse, and hope for a better life.

It provides succinct information for LGBT people and their friends and family, about the nature of sexuality and gender, our paradigms that govern the way we view belief systems, reparative “pray away the gay” therapy and church ministry, the impact of religion on LGBT people and encouragement to find a way forward.

Millions of LGBT people suffer silently in churches, too afraid to speak out, living in crippling shame and guilt, unaware that there is hope, life and love beyond the prison of dogma and religious control.

It’s an easy read, designed to be passed around.

Only $2.99 for Kindle and $7.99 for booklet.

Bulk orders available

Kindle

Print

Gay or trans or…

I’ve seen so many stories about young people coming out and their parents having to process the fact they are gay. They say things like they always knew they might be gay because they were so into the opposite gender roles and toys.

A boy may have always been into “girl things” from as young as they can remember, so when they finally come out as gay, its almost a relief, although the road from there on may be pretty rough.

But there’s an interesting point I’ve heard in so many of these stories: they’ve come out as “gay” when the real issue is obviously to do with gender!

For example, my own experience as a child was not particularly feminine. I had no desire to behave in a feminine way whatsoever and was very happy being a boy. Heaps of boys though, want nothing more than to be like a girl. The assumption is that all gays are feminine, and a stereotype is enforced on the kids.

What makes this really difficult is that the parents may have done an amazing job of accepting their child as gay, without even stopping to think about gender identity. Even the kids themselves may never have been given the option to explore how they really feel, so they assume they are just same sex attracted, and that all same sex attracted people are effeminate, or butch.

Sexual attraction and gender identity are completely different things. To recognise this is the next step on our journey to real diversity and equality. It gives us the power to break all stereotypes and allow everyone to be exactly the way they are made, no matter what that looks like!