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Suicide

Over the last few years, as I’ve developed the Silent Gays project, I’ve observed something very disturbing.

People put forward many ideas about why young guys, in particular, commit suicide. This article is powerful and points to one of the major issues concerning young guys inability to talk about themselves and share what’s going on inside.

But there is one problem that is never addressed – how many of these young men were LGBT?

We know for a fact that LGBT teens have the highest demographic for suicide, but this information never makes it to the mainstream awareness surrounding the issue! The question is very rarely asked “were they struggling with sexuality or gender issues?”.

Despite the legal acceptance of LGBT people, and efforts to break the stereotypes, young male culture is still cruel and belittling to anyone outside the typical image of the “tough guy”. As a result, so many guys become very good at successfully hiding their sexuality, and live in constant fear that they could be “outed”. The tragic thing is that when it finally becomes to much, and they take their lives, no one has any idea why. There were no signs of anything wrong – something you hear far too often. As I talk to more and more people, I have found so many who have experienced this and fortunately made it through to tell the story.

We must include this aspect in all our efforts to work through the suicide problem. Suicide prevention programs must directly address this, otherwise we are going to let thousands of young guys tragically end it all for reasons we don’t apparently understand. I now firmly believe it’s a far bigger aspect than we would care to admit, and this is reflected in the lack of material around this in mainstream suicide programs.

We’ve come a long way with addressing the suicide problem, but we have a heck of a long way to go. I’m going to be focussing more on this in the Silent Gays resources, but it’s up to all of us to bring any change.

Please, help raise awareness however you can.

For help – 
New Zealand: www.outline.org.nz
USA: www.glbthotline.org
England: www.switchboard.lgbt
Australia: www.au.reachout.com
There are many other services available world wide specialising in helping young LGBT people. Just ask Google.

New levels of support!

We are pleased to announce the addition of a new support group to Silent Gays.

We now have two Facebook “secret” groups –
SG1 and SG2 to cover the level of support you may need.

SG1 (our original support group) is a group for people to share their hearts and stories, to rant and rave and find people who can relate to their experiences with religion and being LGBT. It’s very safe, supportive and non-judgemental. It’s also relaxed, fun and a great mix of all kinds of belief systems. Unconditional love is the foundation.

SG2 is for those who are really struggling, especially if their mental health has been compromised in any way. It’s moderated by counsellors (who care enough to help people voluntarily) who can provide gentle, loving support and advice, as well as referrals to the right kind of help. It’s a community of people who don’t feel safe anywhere else. And yes, unconditional love is the bottom line.

We are really excited about this, and welcome folks from anywhere in the world.

You can join SG1 by sending us your email address and we’ll send you the link.

To join SG2, send us a message with your email address for the link and a very brief statement of what’s going on for you.

Confidentiality is our number one priority, nothing will EVER be shared beyond the groups!

Feel free to contact us for more details.

 

 

The Psychological Legacy

If you’ve read my book “It’s Life Jim…” you’ll be familiar with how my mental state was affected by my life of battling sexuality with religion and the constant fight with depression and suicide ideation.

When my wife died it all came to a head and I had a “meltdown” or whatever you want to call it. The symptoms were a relentless combination of heavy depression (like walking around covered in a wet dark blanket, unable to think beyond the pain and confusion that keeps pounding your head), Intense anxiety attacks (that created a physical gnawing in the gut, confusion, a strange disassociation from my environment and a feeling that I was about to burst into tears), and an escalation of ADHD symptoms (lack of focus, restlessness, confusion, thought’s racing etc).  The suicide ideation thankfully went!

This lead to counselling and medication and living on the benefit. There was no way I could hold down a job!

Nearly six years later I’m doing pretty good, but there’s the legacy that I just have to live with despite my best efforts. All of these symptoms are still around. Yes, I get days where the depression hits (although nothing like it was) and I still get anxiety attacks, and the ADHD symptoms are the bane of my life.

I’ve learnt the triggers (mostly) and how to handle it all. I can sense better when I might take a nosedive, and I know how to “roll” with it and not be fearful.

But it’s still there. This is the legacy of a life ruled by religious control, cognitive dissonance, self loathing and emotional abuse. Will it ever go away? I’d like to think so, but I’m not holding my breath.

It’s like this for countless others. We are presumed to be over it and “all better now”. Sure, we’ve moved on and even enjoy life in ways we never dreamed of. My life is fantastic and fulfilling. But the legacy quietly lives on, reminding us daily.

Be gentle with yourself.

Learn your weaknesses and accept them.

Roll with them, don’t fight them.

Find the best way through it – socialise or retreat – talk to people or hide in your cave… there’s no right or wrong, just whatever enables you to move through it safely.

Get help if needed, any time, don’t be a martyr.

Life is good, no matter what the past has done to us. Life is rich and full of wonder and love.

Live it!!

Sex and Religion

I’ve joined forces with Recovering from Religion! These guys are an amazing team of dedicated volunteers who providscreenshot-www-recoveringfromreligion-org-2016-10-10-16-10-47e resources for anyone who has “left the fold” or are seriously questioning their belief system. They provide heaps of resources, a phone hotline, counselling, face to face groups etc.

They are wonderfully LGBTI affirming in every way and love the work I’m doing with Silent Gays.

 

Here’s their latest podcast on sex and religion featuring Dr Darrel Ray and my own story at the end (its a long interview but worth it – my story is around the 1:10 point)

I’ll be regularly posting stuff from their resources and providing links on Silent Gays Resource page.

Being Gay, Living Silent!

Being Gay Living SIlent

I’m proud to announce the publishing of a new booklet for the LGBT and religious community.

For too many LGBT people in religion, they are literally “being gay, living silent”. For many, education is the first step to freedom: education on the basics of gender and sexuality, mind sets or “paradigms”, religious abuse, and hope for a better life.

It provides succinct information for LGBT people and their friends and family, about the nature of sexuality and gender, our paradigms that govern the way we view belief systems, reparative “pray away the gay” therapy and church ministry, the impact of religion on LGBT people and encouragement to find a way forward.

Millions of LGBT people suffer silently in churches, too afraid to speak out, living in crippling shame and guilt, unaware that there is hope, life and love beyond the prison of dogma and religious control.

It’s an easy read, designed to be passed around.

Only $2.99 for Kindle and $7.99 for booklet.

Bulk orders available

Kindle

Print

My son is 17, gay and miserable

We may think it’s enough to just accept our kids sexual/gender identity when they come out. We may think that to love and support them will make them happy and give them the strength they need to survive.

But there may be something far more impacting you can do. This powerful letter by John Shore presents a hard truth.

 

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