Marlon James – “ex-gay” exorcism survivor

The winner of the prestigious Man Booker Prize says he underwent exorcism as part of a therapy pushed by the “ex-gay” religious movement in Jamaica.


Openly gay author Marlon James, who won the Man Booker Prize in 2015 for his novel A Brief History of Seven Killings, underwent the therapy thinking he was trapped in a cycle of self destructive habits.

“It’s only in talking to people who’ve been through the ex-gay movement that I realise what I went through was exactly what they went through – I didn’t know there was a rule book,” he told The Sunday Star Times.

“I went through it because I thought I was trapped in a cycle of self-destructive habits and I needed more than prayer every Sunday to break it.

“But having read about other people who went through ex-gay therapy – about the two preachers, the praying, the driving out spirits, the having the bags on the floor so you can vomit in them when you throw up – it occurred to me they were doing the same thing.

“I went through that because I thought I was on this cycle of temptation, sin, forgiveness, redemption, temptation, sin, forgiveness, redemption and I had got tired of it. And the funny thing is that I really do think that exorcism really did clear things up – it made me realise that you could try to get rid of temptation and you could try to get rid of sin or you could try to get rid of religion – and I’d tried all the others and it really hadn’t worked.

“Then I said ‘what about if I get rid of religion’ – and that has worked out fine…”

James came out publicly last year in the The New York Times when he was commissioned to write a piece that was a voyage to himself.


Original article here

Jim Marjoram – former Living Waters Leader

Thanks to Anthony Venn-Brown for this great article.

Being gay was something I couldn’t put words to as a child, being attracted to guys was simply how I was wired. But it was always “wrong” and filled me with shame, so after a spiritual experience at 15, I determined to become straight, going through every form of Christian therapy I could find to fix the problem. Years of prayer counselling, casting out demons, breaking family lines of oppression and just about every crackpot idea imaginable, including marrying a woman, finally lead to discovering Living Waters in the late 90s. Read full article…



Jim Marjoram – former Living Waters Leader

We’ve only just begun…

Reparative therapy – Conversion therapy – “pray away the gay” – is on the decline and many organisations are closing their doors because they have realised that it doesn’t work. There’s a few fundamentalist die-hards that have regrouped to form even more evil and destructive “ministries”, and some of the smaller ones persist despite the overwhelming evidence that it not only doesn’t work but is extremely harmful.

So this is cause for cautious celebration isn’t it?gay deliverance

Well, not so fast. The problem is far deeper than these higher profile groups.

Most fundamentalist churches are extremely anti-LGBT. Perhaps they have a policy of welcoming them into the church, but it’s on the condition they change, and that’s where the fun begins.

The basic premises of reparative therapy have been accepted amongst Christendom as truth and adopted by every amateur prayer counsellor. Nearly every church has at least one “expert” ready to pray away the gay. They may be an elder who claims to have God’s anointing, a well meaning elderly woman who is regarded as the “intercessor”, the home group leader who has aspirations of running his own church some day, the prayer team who believe they can change anything if they pray long enough… many of them are really well meaning, genuinely believing they are helping people into freedom and new life. They all believe that anything outside the traditional sexual/gender stereotype is a sin – whether it’s caused by some deep emotional scar or a lifestyle choice, even if it’s from being led astray by ungodly relationships.

These are the ones that do just as much, if not more, damage as the established reparative therapy groups.

Deliverance (casting out demons) is a favourite practice in many circles, especially Pentecostal churches. Whatever methods they use, the results are the same – deep trauma, cognitive dissonance, lowered self-worth and much more – often leading to complex mental health issues and all too often chronic depression and suicide.

We may be winning the high profile battles against this evil practice, but we have yet to face the real battles. Religion itself is the enemy. A religion that is based on conditional, performance driven “love”, fuelled by traditions and dogma.

Unconditional love is the only answer – an answer that religion fails to understand at the deepest level.

I was a chronic liar!


We hate liars. We are taught from day one that its absolutely wrong to lie, and when we catch people lying it destroys trust and credibility.

But we all tell little lies every so often. We twist the truth a little, tell “white lies”, you know the story. It’s even justifiable if the truth could do more damage than a careful lie!

But I lied all my life. I lied about who I was. I lied to myself every day. I lied to my family and friends. I lied to everyone.

I felt like I had no choice, but it ate me up from the inside out. “Coming out” as gay was inconceivable. Confiding in friends wasn’t even an option – even those who I had some sort of “same sex” relationship with wouldn’t talk about it. We just “did it”. We had to lie.

Lying is so incredibly destructive. Obviously to those around us, but even more so to ourselves. It causes us to slowly build a false reality, a dual reality. It splits us, creating cognitive dissonance. It begins the process of mental illness and for some this can end in death.

I lied to my wife (both of them). I lied to my family. It was the only thing I could do to survive. But it nearly killed me.

This is why personal integrity is so important to me now. I ached to be “integral” all my life. You can’t imagine what a relief it is to have nothing to hide any more!

When I say I’m free, I really mean I’m finally living whole and with integrity. I am who I am, open and transparent. Perhaps too open sometimes, but I don’t care. It’s such a massive relief to tell the world that I no longer have anything to hide. I’m not lying to you any more! No more skeletons in the closet. No more fear. No more self hatred.

I’m free! Yeah, it’s all relative, and I know there are still many parts of my identity and “being” I don’t understand. I’m still influenced by the deep scars of the lies, and my emotions betray that far too often. But I’m free of the need to lie – about anything actually.

Life is good!!

Another blow to reparative therapy!

U.S. Supreme Court delivers another blow to conversion therapy industry

The action came in an appeal filed by the rabidly anti-LGBT group Liberty Counsel, which argued that New Jersey’s law violates the religious and free speech rights of a young man and his parents… [click here for full story]

SPLC logo


Bloody Money!!

I’ve been pretty up front with the financial needs of running Silent Gays and getting my book off the ground, as well as trying to fund my new LGBT information
I have a few faithful supporters who have been amazing and helped through tough times – you know who you are and I have appreciated every cent and put it to good use.
But really, it’s a lost cause. Not the work I’m doing – just trying to get financial support. So good news! I’ve decided to drop the whole money side for good.
No one really wants to help, and I don’t blame anyone in the slightest. I must admit I get really bored of people trying to raise money for their passionate causes. It’s not often I give much myself, so I need to stop the hypocrisy – stop thrashing the dead horse. I get pissed off with every “ministry” pestering me for money, and I’m no better really.
I’m still providing opportunities to help on the Silent Gays Money! page through selling various things (music, books etc). But really, if I have to beg for money I’m having myself on.
I’ve got to do this right, with integrity and honesty – self funded, without hassling and degrading the quality of what I do.
Large quantities of love to you all!

Coming out of religion

You may have noticed the new tag line on the homepage.

Coming out banner

The last year has been amazing as I’ve tried to find the best way to “market” Silent Gays and find it’s niche. My main goal has been trying to reach into the mainstream church in an effort to bring awareness to the suffering of LGBT people in religion.

But I’ve found it extremely difficult to relate to Christians on “their own terms”. What I mean is that I can’t pretend to be a traditional Christian in any sense of the word. I’ve “left the faith” – I’m a heretic! For me, the foundational beliefs of Christianity are fatally flawed.

I no longer have a label to define my beliefs. You could possibly find one, depending on what I was thinking at the time, but I’m wonderfully free to explore, grow and change. Every day is a new adventure!

But I can still understand the need for religion in whatever form. I understand the purpose of Christianity and why it can provide such meaning and comfort. I’ve experienced the joys of intimacy with God. I’ve felt his presence. I get it. I really do! And with that understanding I can relate with compassion and empathy.

So Silent Gays has shifted focus slightly
– to reach out to those who have been through enough to see that the very foundations of their beliefs have gaping holes
– to provide a sounding board for the deep, hard, painful questions
– to face the possibility that there is far more to life than the Christian paradigm.

I welcome and love everyone, and will never purposely hurt or offend. I’ll protect your rights to believe whatever you want. But I’ll challenge those beliefs, and help you see a far bigger picture, even if that brings a crisis of faith. Because eventually, if you’ve found the strength to question the doctrines of sexuality and gender, you’ll be faced with the inevitable prospect of “what else have I gotten so wrong?”. Integrity in all things becomes our passion.

I’ll be changing some of the resources, adding new items, books etc. slowly re-focussing, becoming bolder, challenging, but never ever losing sight of the most important thing – LOVE!

That’s what this is all about, finding unconditional love and acceptance – living loved!


I Love To Be Loved

The simplicity of love!

It’s not hard, or complicated. We have turned it into some crazy spiritual/religious/moral/ethical maze of conditions and exemptions.To-Love-And-Be-Loved... We have dissected it into oblivion and robbed it of power and declared it unachievable on any practical level.

But I love to be loved!

I know what love is when I receive it. It’s the most empowering and life giving thing I could ever hope to have. When I do something good for others, no matter how “selfless” it may be, deep down it makes me feel good – I’m experiencing love, even if it’s my own love!

We don’t need to be told what love is. It’s written in every heart, it’s who we are at the core. Yes, even the worst of the worst know what love is, even if they have never experienced it or expressed it. All evil is simply a deficit of love.

It’s OK to love to be loved. In fact, it’s the very thing that gives us real life. Love yourself, let yourself be loved, soak it up for all you’re worth.

Live Loved!


So, you know how people are
When it’s all gone much too far
The way their minds are made
Still, there’s something you should know
That I could not let show
That fear of letting go

And in this moment, I need to be needed
With this darkness all around me, I like to be liked
In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted
‘Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved [x2]
Yes, I love to be loved

I cry the way that babies cry
The way they can’t deny
The way they feel
Words, they climb all over you
‘Til they uncover you
From where you hide

And in this moment, I need to be needed
When my self-esteem is sinking, I like to be liked
In this emptiness and fear,
I want to be wanted
‘Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved [x2]
Oh I love to be loved

This old familiar craving
I’ve been here before, this way of behaving
Don’t know who the hell I’m saving anymore
Let it pass let it go let it leave
From the deepest place I grieve
This time I believe

And I let go [x2]
I can let go of it
Though it takes all the strength in me
And all the world can see
I’m losing such a central part of me
I can let go of it
You know I mean it
You know that I mean it
I recognize how much I’ve lost
But I cannot face the cost
‘Cause I love to be loved

Yes I love to be loved
I love to be loved

I love to be loved
I love to be loved
Yes I love to be loved

Being Gay, Living Silent – FREE

I believe that the need to understand the nature of being LGBT and the impact of religion is so important I’ve decided to offer my booklet “Being Gay, Living Silent” for FREE.

If you would like to support the costs of free distribution please buy a copy through Amazon, otherwise grab a freebie and spread it as far and wide as possible! If you can add a review to the Amazon page as well that would be awesome.

Just click here for your freebie!

If anyone is interested in printing their own copies for free distribution, please contact me for print quality files and legal requirements etc.

Silent Gays Fundraiser

Silent Gays Fundraiserfund

I have an urgent need for donations at the moment. As you may (or may not) be aware, it takes money to do what I do. Usually I cover everything myself, but I’m in need of some funding at the moment that’s beyond my current ability.

Feel free to specify where your donation should go if you want. Otherwise the first priority is the domain re-registration, due in the next couple of days.

Just use the Donate button on the right

Here’s the breakdown:

screenshot-bawala by3301 livefilestore com 2015-12-20 14-17-19Thanks so much to Steve Fawcett at MediaStream, couldn’t have done this without you!

To preview “Being Gay, Living Silent” click here for a free pdf